my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
