respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
