i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
