Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
