Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
