i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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