I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
