i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
