I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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