Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
