I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
