You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
