Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
