One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
