I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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