Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
