The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
