He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
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i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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