D3 body, D1 cock
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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