I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize