flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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