he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
