They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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