Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
