I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
