evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
smell my finger.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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