Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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