My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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