I must be too annoying 4 u.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
