I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
