This is not my ceiling
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
