he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
