I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
