i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
