whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
