I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
