well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
