yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So much rum. So many feels.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
