u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
