How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Enjoy the penises
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
