I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
