He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
