"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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