Barsexuality is the new black.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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