So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
