Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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