They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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