Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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