My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
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My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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