I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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