FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
