I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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