And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i dont even know how to be here
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
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Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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