remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
