Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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