Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
