Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
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do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
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After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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