My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
