we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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