You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
