porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
