So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There r osticjed everywhere
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
