she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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