He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
