He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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