Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
In America we eat man semen.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
