1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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