What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
