Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
