nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
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I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
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I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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