TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
