Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
