he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
