The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
