$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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