Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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