are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
