Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
