I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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