she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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