whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
